Emmy Recap 2009

EMMY RECAP 2009 – aka “Lost and Found (kind of) Oh, Drama!”

This year was a bit of a throwback, as it was just Neal and me – the first time since 2006! But as the old saying goes – the more things stay the same, the more they change. Or something like that.

What remained was the prepping before the ‘Big Event’ Emmy day. Facial masks, hair and make-up, last-minute wardrobe changes – you know – what all the celebrities must go through ;-)

NO COMMENT!

Even though Neal now lives in Los Angeles, I decided it would be more fun to stay at the Hyatt – where we pick up the tickets and take the bus to the Emmys. (And honestly, I needed central A/C and more bathroom space!) Had I known there would be a used condom in between our beds there, and that the fire alarm would go off in the middle of the night, I may have decided to save a few (hundred) dollars!

All we got were two free breakfasts!

Before getting on the bus, I tossed a vodka soda down my throat. Neal laughed when (hands shaking) I told the bartender I was an alcoholic, I was having the shakes and to HURRY THE HELL UP! (He did).

Dressed in our tuxes and our gym shoes (and feeling like Ellen DeGeneres, thanks to Mikey Facebook comment!) Neal and I were off …

We were worried about the new venue – change can be bad! We had the ‘system’ at the Shrine Auditorium down to a science. This was unchartered waters. And the ship was going to be rocky!

As always, we were worried about getting our cameras in. I decided to bring my ‘man purse’ and put mine in the ‘secret’ pocket. Of course I had a disposable in my sock just in case. Neal had his in his jacket pocket by his phone, so when the metal detector went off, he could claim the cell phone was the culprit.

In line for the red carpet security check, Neal spotted Kathy Griffin getting out of a limo.

Paul: KATHY! Your gays are here! (Very original, huh? I’m sure she has never heard that one before.)
Kathy: Oh.
Paul: I’m from Oak Park!
Kathy: Tiffany! Fix my dress!

Neal stole a pic of me talking to her before she had to rush off … we thought we were off to a great start.

Kathy!

We got the cameras through security without incident – the only thing that beeped on me was the PLASTIC disposable camera! But the security people let me keep it anyway.


The red carpet (as always) was exciting! But HOT – we heard it was 105. All I know is, I had to pee really badly when we got on the red carpet, but an hour later I must have sweated it out, ‘cuz all that was left was a headache.

So … back to the red carpet: One of the first people I saw was Bryan Batt (“Sal” from Mad Men.) He was so nice, and even stopped to pose with me for a pic and a quick chat.

Paul: I love your character on Mad Men! When is Sal going to come out?
Bryan: Good question! The 70’s?
Paul: I hope the show is on that long! (I think it’s 1962 or so now?)

"Sal" and me! Go MAD MEN!

Neal spotted Stephen Moyer (“Bill” on True Blood.) He looked great – even with the lighter hair!

Vampire!

I saw Jorge Garcia (Lost’s “Hurley”) and yelled to him.

"Hurley"! from Lost

When I spotted CSI: Miami’s Eva LaRue, I freaked!

Paul: EVA! HI! Remember me? I met you at the All My Children 35th Anniversary party?!
Eva: Oh ya! Hi!
Neal: Bawhahahahahaha!

We also got very close to Seal and Heidi Klum – but I didn’t get close enough to step on her dress and piss off Seal like I did in ’07 – which is good.

Seal and Heidi

Neal was excited to see Elizabeth Perkins.

Neal: Elizabeth! I love you! You’re my favorite and funniest character on television!
Elizabeth: Thanks.
Paul: She’s a bitch. Didn’t you read my recap from 2007?

Elizabeth Perkins

Then I saw Kyle MacLachlan.

Paul: Trey! I mean KYLE!
Kyle: ::: turns around :::
Paul: I love you on Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City and … whatever else you have ever been on!
Kyle:

Meanwhile, the security guards were rushing us through

Security Guard: MOVE people! This is NOT a photo opp!
Neal: If this isn’t a photo opp, what is?
Paul: Right?

Neal

At this point, we were going to go into the Nokia Theater to cool off … when I realized I was missing something. MY EMMY TICKET!

It was nowhere to be found. I was dehydrated, hotter than a whore in church, and in a panic!

I found Ashley and Mike (our ‘Emmy gurus – they’re awesome!) but there wasn’t a lot they could do. So Neal went to get help while I waited OUTSIDE of the red carpet area. My stomach was in a knot. It didn’t seem right – I had been keeping Neal organized since my arrival – he joked that I was his personal assistant. And now I lose my freakin’ ticket?

Mike and me

Thankfully, Neal found two fabulous girls who work for the Emmys who helped me – I got a duplicate ticket …

Unfortunately for me, Neal saw Rob Lowe while I was outside. Boo!

But the good news was that for the first time ever, Neal and I were able to loop the red carpet again … and again. At least five times before we had to go in.

Red Carpet, baby!

In that time, we saw Bob Newhart, (I kept telling people we saw Bob Hope. No one seemed to remember that he died in 2003), Chris O’Donnell (looking great!), Dana Delany and more. Including Billy Bush, who gave me a 'thumbs up'!

"Thumbs Up" from Billy Bush

Bob Newhart (not Bob Hope!)

At long last, we entered the Nokia Theater. And were immediately upset to learn that our tickets were color-coded. Let’s just say, if we were on the Titanic, we would have been goners! We were told to go upstairs to our seats, and we knew all of the ‘important’ people were on the main floor. And we looked over the railing and there was even a lower level. WTF?

But thankfully, I saw Daniel Dae Kim – “Yin” from Lost.

Paul: Hi! I’m a big fan!
Yin: Thanks.
Paul: I hope you find Sun!
Yin: Thanks.

"Yin" and me from Lost

But that was it. No more celebs to be found, and it was time to go in to see Neil Patrick open the show, and Kristin Chenoweth win an award.

Back in the upper (crappy!) lobby, Neal and I were determined to get down a level.

But nothing seemed to work. We kept trying to sneak past the security guards by quickly flashing out tickets, but they were on to us. So I did what any desperate person would do: I put a $20 bill in my hand with my ticket and walked up to the security guard who seemed like the most compassionate. He laughed.

Trying to sneak in by using the stairs ... to no avail

But it was worth it!

Security Guard: ::: nodding me over :::
You want to get in?
Paul: You think?
Security Guard: Here’s what you do. Take the elevator down to the basement and go up the escalator.
Paul: Really? That’s it?
Security Guard: Yep.

And it worked!

The 61st Annual Primetime Emmys!

Neail Patrick Harris and me - Flashback to 2007

So … thanks to the security guard’s tip (no, he didn’t take my $20 ‘tip’) – Neal and I were on the main level at last!

I first spotted Kathryn Joosten (“Mrs. McClukey” from Desperate Housewives.) I’ve read she’s battling lung cancer, and suddenly felt very guilty for telling one of the security guards earlier that *I* have cancer, just to gain a bit of sympathy that didn’t work anyway.

Neal and I were starving and thirsty, so we got the worst poor excuse for a pretzel that I have EVER had the displeasure of choking down, and a drink.

Better.

In the men’s room, I saw Jesse Specner (“Dr. Chase” on House) – like I do every year. He and I must be on the same cycle, or he was cruising for some action! I waited until we were back in the lobby to get a photo.

Jesse and me

And then Neal and I ran into our Emmy buddy and gossip columnist Billy Masters! (http://www.billymasters.com/) Love him! Both Neal and I have ‘made’ his column in the past, and hung out with him and his friend –stalking celebrities – on and off - all night.

Neal and Billy

While Neal was chatting up a cute guy, I spotted Adrian Grenier (“Vincent” from Entourage!)

Adrian and me

Paul: Neal! Stop wasting your time talking to non-celebrities! We can do that any time.
Neal: But he was really cute!
Paul: True. But still …

And then we saw Kevin Dillon (“Drama” from Entourage) and Eric Murphy (“E”)

Kevin and Neal

Paul: I’m a big fan of you both. Do you think he would mind a photo?
Kevin: Who?
Paul: ‘E’. Um … What’s his real name?
Kevin: Eric. I don’t know. Ask him. (I did, and he didn’t.)

Me, Eric and Neal

Paul: OH. MY. GOD! It’s Marky Mark!!!
Neal: Get him!

Mark Wahlberg was with a security guard and was in a hurry, but we were able to get a photo with him.

Neal and Marky Mark!

We were beginning to realize that certain celebrities were hanging out in the lobby (like Adrian Grenier, who was obviously looking to pick up some ‘tail’), while others were not so willing to be seen or photographed.
One we missed was John Slattery (“Roger Sterling” from Mad Men.)

Paul: It’s the guy from Mad Men!
Neal: He’s the guy from Sex and the City who wanted to pee on Carrie!
Paul: Exactly! That pig.

Sarah Jessica Parker: You’re so sweet.
Paul: I miss you!
SJP: If I wasn’t busy filming the sequel to the 'Sex and the City' movie, I’d be hanging out there with you and Neal.
Paul: Really?
SJP: Probably not.
Paul: I still love you!

Another lobby hanger-outer was Eva LaRue. I was glad I got a chance to talk to her again!

Paul: Eva! Hi again!
Eva: Hi!
Paul: You really don’t remember me, do you? I wouldn’t expect you to.
Eva: You look familiar.
Paul: I crashed the All My Children party in 2005. You introduced me to your mom and everything! You were so sweet.
Eva: I remember. I just forgot your name.
Neal: Paul is the biggest General Hospital fan ever.
Eva: That’s a good show too, but I was on All My Children.
Paul: ::: dirty look to Neal :::

Eva and me (looking like a midget!)

Feb. 2005 - when I was taller than Eva!

She was very sweet – again. She introduced us to her hot boyfriend and we chatted a little more.

Chatting with my BFF Eva

Then I spotted Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother, I Love You, Man, etc.

Jason - I love him, man!

Paul: Oh my God! I love you!
Jason: Thanks man.
Paul: I love you in everything you’re in. I even bought the I Love You, Man DVD.
Jason: Nice!
Paul: People tell me I look like Paul Rudd but I don’t think so – I wish.
Jason: Hmmm, you do look a little like Paul … around the eyes.
Paul: I am Paul!

After I looked at the photo Neal took of Jason and me, I was horrified. I looked greasy and off-color.

Greasy Face and Jason

Paul: WHY did I let you talk me into wearing make-up? Again.
Neal: It’s tinted moisturizer. Not make-up.
Paul: If it comes off in your hand and stains a white wash cloth, IT’S MAKE-UP!

I didn’t feel like having a fight in front of a celebrity, like we did with Justin Chambers (“Alex” on Grey’s Anatomy) in 2006, so I walked away.

So after a bathroom run where I wiped my face with several toilet seat covers (unused!) I felt a bit better …

Neal spotted SNL’s Seth Meyers and got a photo with him. He seemed very nice and was in the lobby a lot.

Seth and Neal

Neal: OMG! Come on! Get your camera!
Paul: Why?
Neal: It’s some guy from The Office! HURRY!
Paul: I watch The Office and he’s not on it!

We got the picture, even though I had no idea who the guy was – just that he isn’t on The Office. Later we found out it was Stephen Colbert – of The Colbert Report.

Neal and Stephen

Speaking of The Office, I spotted Melora Hardin (“Jan”) waiting to get back inside the auditorium. She was really sweet and I told her I loved her episode on Gilmore Girls.

Paul: Will you be back on The Office this season?
Jan: A little bit.

Neal, Melora and me

Also from The Office, I once again saw B.J. Novak – “Ryan.” He was a lot nicer in 2007! My buddy Mike confirmed this. He and his friends (they’re all straight) jokingly asked him for a kiss, and he turned and walked away.

B.J. and me

Mike also saw Rainn Wilson (“Dwight”) from The Office and said he was a douche bag. (He was cool when I met him a few years ago … maybe the stars hated the new venue as much as Neal and I did?)

Mike: Are you a fan of Chace Crawford? (“Nate” from Gossip Girl.)
Paul: WHY?! IS HE HERE?
Mike: No. But he’s a buddy of mine. We were in the same frat.
Paul: No way!
Mike: I have his number – it’s in my cell.

Me, Mike and Neal

I only remember the area code, which is 917. I think. Damn! I should have taken the damn phone and ran!

During another scope of the lobby, we spotted Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Paul: Hi! I’m a big fan of yours!
Jennifer: Thanks.
Paul: Can I have a quick photo with you?
Jennifer: I’m in a hurry.
Paul: Please?!?!
Jennifer: ::: walking away :::
Paul: I’m NOT THAT BIG OF A FAN, ANYWAY! Bitch.

Another person too self-important to stop and pose was In Treatment’s Gabriel Byrne.

Paul: That show is like watching paint dry.
Neal: Ya.

And then I saw her … Sandra Oh! (“Cristina” from Grey’s Anatomy)

Paul: I love you!
Sandra: Thank you! (She took my hand)
Neal: You’re so beautiful!
Sandra: Thanks!

Sandra and me

LOVE HER!

Neal and Sandra Oh!

SJP: As much as you love me?
Paul: Never! But Sandra is kind of a Goddess.
SJP: Ya, I’ll give you that. And no one ever accuses of her of having a horse face.


And speaking of Grey’s, (Or Private Practice) I saw Kate Walsh again this year. I didn’t talk to her as long as I did a few years ago, but it was exciting to see her … but I was already photographed with her ;-)

Kate and me

The only 30 Rock person I saw was Judah Friedlander (“Frank.”) He was nice enough. When I asked for a photo, he had a ton of stuff in his hands so he asked me to wait. I told him I’d wait all night! Luckily, I didn’t have to.

Frank and me

Speaking of waiting … Neal spotted Conan O’Brien.

Neal: Now THAT’S an A-lister!

The longer we waited to get a photo with him, the more the crowd around him grew, so we just snapped a pic of him …

Conan

At some point, we sneaked into the main level and sat close (enough) to the stage for a bit. We saw Glenn Close win her award for lead actress in a drama series, and then we headed back to lobby!

Neil!

NOT our original (crappy!) seats


Gordana Gehlhausen (from the current season of Project Runway) told Neal she loved his white patent leather Converse sneakers.

Gordana: I love your white patent leather Converse sneakers!
Neal: You just said that.
Paul: No, I just typed that.
Neal: Oh. Thanks.
Gordana: I am so tired. I flew in from New York yesterday.
Paul: But you look great!

Hmmm, does this mean she’s the winner?

Neal, Gordana and me

And then I saw Jason Segal again, with my pal Billy Masters.

Paul: Hi again! Can we have another photo? I look like a hot, greasy mess in the first one.
Jason: Sure!

Better ...

Paul: Hey, was that really your penis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall?
Jason: Ha! Yep!
Paul: Well, congratulations on whoever gets to … umm, enjoy that. (Which perhaps was Chloe Sevigny from what the tabloids are hinting at?)
Jason: Thanks, man!

Then we did a little ‘slappin’ da bass, man’ bit from the movie. I should have had Neal take a video clip of that …

I have to say, I think Jason was my favorite of the evening, or close!

Paul: Look! It’s the gay guy in I Love You, Man! Paul Rudd’s on-screen brother!
Neal: Let’s get him!
Paul: Hi! I loved you in I Love You, Man!
Andy: Thanks!
Paul: Are you Adam Sandler’s brother?
Andy: No.
Paul: I don’t know why I thought that.

Me, Andy and Neal

A few minutes later, I heard someone say, “There’s Adam Sandler!” We couldn’t find him. But there was Andy again. Andy SAMBERG. No wonder I was confused!

Neal: FOLLOW ME!
Paul: Who is it?
Neal: Only the hottest guy on the planet – JASON STACKHOUSE! (True Blood's Ryan Kwanten.)
Paul: GET HIM!

Me, Ryan and Neal

As it turns out, he was another ‘lobby whore’ – out there the whole time.

Neal: We LOVE you! You’re like the hottest guy ever!
Ryan: Thanks.
Paul: Where in Australia are you from?
Ryan: Sydney
Paul: I love Sydney!
Ryan: Cool.
Paul: I don’t hear any accent.
Ryan: You mean no Australian accent or no southern accent?
Paul: No ... any accent.
Ryan: Hmmm.
Paul: Hey! I met your sister "Sookie" a few years ago at the Emmys!

"Sookie" and me - Flashback to 2007

Neal: You’re so muscular on TV …
Ryan: Ha. Thanks.
Neal: But you’re so small in person!
Paul: ::: evil glare to Neal :::
Ryan: It’s all smoke and mirrors.
Neal: I mean, you're like ... so small!
Paul:
Ryan:
Neal: I just can’t get over it …
Paul: Neal! Enough!

Ryan was with a guy and a woman all night. Could the guy be his boyfriend? The woman is obviously his publicist. My new friend Joe, who was obviously also at the Emmys, posted this on his Facebook wall:

Joe F.
Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) was at The Emmys and says, "Hopefully I'm never in a Lifetime movie." I replied "I was, and it's nominated for an Emmy, 'Prayers for Bobby'. Are you nominated?" He looked so embarrassed, eyes blinking, then his publicist gave me her card and said I was fabulous. I still love him.

And then … it was time to go. It’s exhausting to be there, but it always end too soon.

When the Emmys were held at the Shrine Auditorium, the stars would exit out front, but not at the Nokia. Many of them go to the Governor’s Ball after the Emmys, and this year they were ushered through a different exit. (And of course Neal and I tried – again – to get in, and we made it pretty far, but … )

On the way out, I saw a black woman who I knew from somewhere. I thought she was on American Idol, but alas, it was Korto Momolu, from Season 5 of Project Runway.

Paul: Korto! Congratulations!
Korto: Thanks. (She didn’t have the heart to tell me she didn’t win I guess!)
Paul: Photo?
Korto: Sure! But make sure you tag me on Facebook!
Paul: You have to add me first!

Me and Korto

Hangin' on the red carpet!

And no trip to the red carpet would be complete without a photo lying down ON the red carpet! Too bad there was no ice sculpture to lick.

Tradition!

I spotted Project Runway's Gordana Gehlhausen again.

Paul: Get some rest!
Gordana: ::: looking at me :::
Paul: Not that you look tired! You don't! You look great! You were just saying earlier ...
Neal: Let's go.

We were almost back to the bus to take us back to the Hyatt, when we saw the ‘sister-wives’ of HBO’s Big Love: Jeanne Tripplehorn (“Barb”), Chloe Sevigny (“Nikki”) and Ginnifer Goodwin (“Margene”.)

Paul: I love you girls! Can I have a photo with you?
Jeanne: Ummmm …
Paul: Please! It would make my night!
Ginnifer: Sure!
Paul: Thanks!

Neal, Chloe, Ginnifer, Jeanna and me

Guy who took photo: How did the photo come out?
Paul: Well, it’s kinda …
Chloe: (whispering) He’s one of the creators of the show.
Paul: It’s perfect!
Guy: Good!
Paul: Ginnifer, I love your pixie hair cut! (I hated it, but she’s adorable.)
Ginnifer: Thanks!

A few minutes later, back with Mike, Ashley, Aubrey and the rest of the ‘Emmy People” – the girls walked by again and I got a great photo of them with Mike.

Mike with the 'sister-wives' - who honestly seemed joined at the hip! (Maybe they ARE in a three-way relationship?!)

Once back at the hotel, Neal and I ordered room service, went through our photos and jotted down anecdotes for the recap while watching the Emmys …

All in all, it was a great experience and we plan to back!

Thanks for reading!

xxoo,
Paul (and Neal)